How To Be a Geek and Get Your Sexual Groove On

First Free Your Self-Esteem Issues:

1. Male or Female there are plenty of similar people out there, so if you’re a geek and she’s a geek, there’s a good chance you’re both horny
2. I learned this too late, as most people do: if you have a crush on a girl there’s always a 1 in 10 chance she could have a slight inkling towards you.
3. Regarding your body: Fat, Skinny, Crooked Penis, Saggy Boobs, moles, webbed-feet. Obviously don’t mention any of this in the first few dates, if there is a connection there’s a connection. Everybody has something wrong with them, the physical ones are the easiest to forget about. Personality is what counts when you’re upon equals.
4. Internet Dating Sites and Dating Services are an option, but not always the first and/or last option. Try it out, these people are just as horny as you!

Second, getting the opposite/same sex to notice you:

1. Timing… timing is a mo-fo-btch! However, it controls our lives. Either way, if there is an opportunity, Go for it! Be funny… Everyone likes to laugh. Don’t over due it though, no one likes a show off either.
2. Everybody wants to be romanced. Say nice things, but don’t be creepy. Timing is the ultimate guiding rule for everything, so if there is a lull, say you have very nice eyes or I really like your laugh, if she/he responds poorly, move on to something funny (but try not to be a bad-mouther to be funny at other people’s expense, unless it’s a teacher, politician or celebrity).

Third, Making the first moves:

1. Massage and touching: I’ll give away my secret, caressing the opposite sex (back/shoulders/legs) is a tell tale sign of what the person is thinking. Once again timing is most important, so wait for an opportunity.
2. Gauge the Response: start slow, shoulder massage, hand next to the leg (if you’re sitting), then push the boundaries (in non-sexual areas first), hit areas that are close but not obvious!
3. So Close and a cigar? If the other person is enjoying whatever you are doing at this point, you are in! Either move towards the neck and try and turn her to a kiss OR be dirty and make a move to a sexual area. Smooth though.

Finally, realize that it works and that Geeks have a lot of sex:

1. At Cornell University, there were plenty of geeks finding other geeks and falling in love or at least getting some A** on a regular basis. I mainly think this was due to repressed sexual tension from high school. However, it also stems from the fact that you’re around, you’re nice and you have the same sexual tension that the other person has.
2. Even in high school the “geeky” cliques broke off and hooked up
3. I am proof that Geeks get a lot of lovin.
4. The Revenge of the Nerds Movie

Now that you know how to be a Geek and get some loving, I’ll leave it to another person to enter in “How To Be a Geek and Stay in a Long Term Relationship”…

Here are my predictions for the upcoming iPhone Updates (within the next 2 months):

1. Apple will allow 3rd Party Applications through their own installer
2. Apple 3rd Party installations will come with a standard warning (removing the “voiding your warranty” bit)
3. In the instance of a 3rd Party Application affecting your system, Apple will have a contingency plan
   1. iPhone Backups from iTunes with “System Restore” points
   2. iPhone software will have to be reset and all applications (besides the ones that crashed your system) would have to be re-installed
4. iTunes will offer a 3rd Party Application Directory
5. Apple will release a full set of their own additional Applications

Only time will tell, but you can be sure of one thing, they’re going to and will do something soon…

After trying Xobni, it’s clear that Microsoft Outlook has more potential to explode with social and just plain old interactive usability functions. Microsoft seems to wait for other companies to connect into them. I tried the Plaxo and LinkedIn toolbars for Outlook, but they suck. There are so many “Web 2.0″ companies out there utilizing the functions of our standard web applications today through APIs.

Since I am tied to Microsoft Outlook as I am in an Exchange environment and I use a Palm Treo 700w (for now), perhaps give me some Web 2.0 functionality Microsoft? I only assume the easiest way to get the best and functional applications out there are to release APIs. So do it already!

Here are some of the potential uses and results:

• Actually sync Facebook (or any other Social Network) and Outlook’s Contacts, Calendar and Emails
• Auto-Sync Calendar and Contacts with any Web 2.0 application
• Allow developers to easily create skins and add-ons for Outlook
• Wirelessly Sync All kinds of Information through the Exchange Environment

I’m not going to go through all possibilities, because off the top of my head I can think of at least 20 more. So, let’s get to it!

It’s not like you are going to lose customers. We are STUCK with you Microsoft. Plus, it might improve your monopolistic image.

Dear Digg,

Industry News under Technology can be so many things nowadays. However, isn’t it about time to add Google and Yahoo to the subcategories? They are two major players in the Technology world of today. In addition, both have them have been making heavy strides in the news recently. Especially Google.

Also, on top of that, not everything that doesn’t fit into the Technology’s subcategories fits into Industry News. In fact, most of what I see in there should belong to an “Offbeat News” and/or “News Opinion” subcategory similar to the subcategories under “World & Business”.

My last note is, everybody, including Diggers like a funny side to life. Hence all the LOLs and I Can Has Cheezburger. So, let’s add a Humor subcategory to everything while you are at it.

Thanks in advance,

The Fatty Talks!

P.S. Did I mention the word subcategory enough?

Technorati Tags: Internet, Technology, subcategory, Yahoo, Google, Digg

Now that Google is supposedly releasing their “Social” set of APIs on November 5th, where will I be without my friends to back me up?

TechCrunch recently published:

The short version: Google will announce a new set of APIs on November 5 that will allow developers to leverage Google’s social graph data. They’ll start with Orkut and iGoogle (Google’s personalized home page), and expand from there to include Gmail, Google Talk and other Google services over time.

On November 5 we’ll likely see third party iGoogle gadgets that leverage Orkut’s social graph information – the most basic implementation of what Google is planning. From there we may see a lot more – such as the ability to pull Orkut data outside of Google and into third party applications via the APIs. And Google is also considering allowing third parties to join the party at the other end of the platform – meaning other social networks (think Bebo, Friendster, Twitter, Digg and thousands of others) to give access to their user data to developers through those same APIs.

And that is a potentially killer strategy. Facebook has a platform to allow third parties to build applications on Facebook itself. But what Google may be planning is significantly more open – allowing third parties to both push and pull data, into and out of Google and non-Google applications. (via TechCrunch Google To “Out Open” Facebook On November 5)

Now, I can share all I want on Google Reader, the new Google Share, Orkut, PicasaWeb, YouTube, etc., but what good will this do for me?

Now onto the heart of the matter… I’ve always had “Smart Phones”, why wouldn’t you? As a man, I don’t carry a purse with my write-in calendar and I needed a method of carrying my calendar, contacts and more. It all began with the Kyocera 6035 which was an awesome phone for “back in the day”. Then came the “colorful” Kyocera 7135. However, Smart Phones have problems! So I downgraded to the LG VX 8000 and just used the Mobile Office Sync program to connect my phone and Outlook together. But now, I’m a busy guy with lots of appointments, to dos, e-mails, etc and I got the Palm Treo 700w last April.

The 700w was expensive, but I needed Windows Mobile to work with my MS Exchange environment. First it was perfect, then the hiccups started. Verizon had lied on the package about the total memory the phone had so browsing the internet on a non-mobile page was impossible. The “P” button didn’t work. They said there was nothing they could do about it at first.

Then only a few months later, just as the updated 700wx came out, my screen started flickering. I brought it in, they said call the Tech Hotline because they don’t fix any PDA problems in the store anymore. I said listen, this phone is junk, just switch it for a new 700wx. They didn’t nor wouldn’t. Tech support said I’d have to hard reset my phone first. Which I did, problem went away and came back shortly again. Called them up again, they said Hard Reset it again and try again. So, I did and it went away.

Now, I was all ready to bring on a big fight, but then I read in April that the Palm Treo will get a WM 6 upgrade and that in August the new Verizon phones will be out.

It’s the end of September almost, there hasn’t been a new PDA phone out (aside from Blackberry) in months! No Windows Mobile 6 (I would never include the crappy Motorola Q9m’s software WM6 nor a PDA)! No in store support!

Does anyone know if I send in my phone, they’d send me a Palm Treo 700wx instead? Does anyone know about any new PDA’s actually coming to Verizon?

However, now Facebook is an open platform AND I want to use some (and very few) of the “applications” that exist and I already do. However, more and more “companies” are getting into the game. How much screening does Facebook actually do for their applications? Who is seeing my information? Also, there are Desktop applications (ie, screen savers, notify apps) and I virus scanned them, but I’m still hesitant. More importantly with Facebook now linked to my other usernames and passwords, including sites that have my credit card on file, how safe is my information?

In today’s news Facebook later this month will be open to Search Engines, how much will Google really see? How long is it before someone hacks in?

Here are my suggestions:

Under Technology: Where’s Google? Blog News? Software — how about Web Applications?

Videos: How about Personal Vlogs? International? Dance

Sports: what’s the difference between Extreme and Other Sports? Underwater Basket Weaving is definitely extreme!

And of course, if it’s not Space, Environment or Health, it obviously fits into General Sciences…

Entertainment could definitely use an “Industry News” button

Finally, Gaming, I love you Gaming!!!

ABC producers have definitely and obviously skewed this and the first voting episode of American Inventor. Only 6 candidates remained and there were 3 obvious choices from there. However, during the 6 presentations, the Judges and the takes that ABC Producers aired all made the other 5 contestants “look pale in comparison” to the Guardian Angel invention.

The Guardian Angel invention by firefighter and father of 6 children, Gregg Chavez,is basically a compressed fire extinguisher and alarm for a Christmas tree that could potentially catch on fire, thus saving lives. During his “pitch” light hearted exciting music played, the judges smiled and said “great” and “you proved me wrong” as in his invention was a miracle. Upon sending him off after his “pitch” and Question and Answers they said “Thank You Very Much”. He was also second to last before an invention that definitely should not have made it to the “Top 3″. So Gregg Chavez and his life-saving invention would be fresh in the minds of American voters.

The other 5 had anxious and “uh oh” music. The other 5 were asked tough questions and scrutinized over “Market Research” and statistics. The other 5 were all sent off in rude, condescending toned “You can leave now”.

Hmm, I wonder who is going to get the most votes? I wonder who is going to win?

My guess, he’s trying to dumb Americans so they don’t realize that as the President of the United States he’s made over 100 (possibly 1,000) moronic judgements that affect people like you! That’s right, YOU!

Preface: I’ve been eating sushi way before it was a fad, before it was a craze and definitely before it became the preferred cuisine for many.

Ooki Sushi opened about 3 months ago and I was excited to try a new Japanese sushi restaurant on the Upper East Side (3rd Avenue between 88th and 89th Streets), my hood, so the first week I picked up a large “to go” order and sampled many options. Let me tell you, it all sucked, the rice was horrible, the portions were well slim, thus expensive, I was very unimpressed. However, 3 separate people said they’ve been there several times and they loved it. So perhaps they learned their lesson the first weeks and improved.

Today, went there again, figured give it one more try, here’s an item by item blow by blow:

Diet Coke = ummm, more like Diet Cola, absolutely disgusting… I became afraid

Miso Soup = watery, odd flavored, lacking in seaweed and tofu, in other words worst Miso Soup ever…

Tofu Teriyaki = Tofu had a fishy flavor, teriyaki sauce was minimal and tasteless. The funny thing about this was the vegetables they put on the side, including potato wedges (which before I ate thought was jicima), carrots, broccoli and cold mashed potatoes. All flavored with what I like to call “All Seasoning Salt” and the cheap kind

Three Stooges Roll: banana tempura & spicy tuna rolled up with white tuna, wasabi tobiko on top & kabayaki sauce = disgusting, relatively less than a thimble full of spicy tuna, and perhaps smaller than a chicklet sized piece of white tuna

Spicy Girl Roll: black pepper tuna, avocado, scallion, wasabi honey sauce inside, topped with spicy tuna & crunch = if there was black pepper tuna in there, I didn’t taste it, bad tuna indeed, there was scallion in that? there was wasabi honey sauce inside that? definitely not.

The worst part about everything was that I am the biggest fan of just plain white rice and soy sauce. I saved it for the end, figuring it would be my savior before I started crying… In the end, I cried… the rice was stale and hard. BOOOOOOOO!

Long story short, those 3 separate people are now confirmed idiots. To be less harsh, they certainly don’t know good sushi. Isohama is still the king of my Upper East Side Japanese Sushi Restaurants.