Hobo: Yo! Where you girls from?
White teen girl: Your mom.
Hobo: Whoa, nigga, that’s crazy.–Lincoln Center
JAP #1: It’s like, I can’t dance on the bar and dress slutty anymore. It’s just not appropriate.
JAP #2: You did it in college all the time.
JAP #1: But college is different! College is like being in Vegas…
JAP #2: Yeah, for four years!–Columbus Circle
Chick on cell: Well, my mom has the clap and my dad has herpes, so I don’t know what that means for me.–Graham & Conselyea, Brooklyn
Young man to lady: So, Anthony told me you got machine gun titties…?–42nd St station
Thank you Overheardinnewyork.com for confusing me about Machine Gun Titties!
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Old woman: You should really go to the men’s homeless shelter.
Hobo: I’m a woman.–25th & 3rd
Young girl #1: The guy hasn’t called me in, like, a week…
Young girl #2: His loss.
Young girl #1: But I didn’t even get to hook up with him!–86th & 2nd
Woman: He’s very successful. I’m sure he’s a millionaire by now, and he’s only 26. He never even graduated from college.
Queer: I’m soooooo jealous. I wish I didn’t have an education.–Mott & Houston
30-ish investment banker on cell: She had so much makeup on her face she looked like she had just blown 20 clowns.–44th & Park
Lady: Sir, this woman is very pregnant. Please give her your seat.
Fat man: Yeah, well, I’m very fat, and that’s basically the same thing.–4 train
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Babysitter: Ok guys, hold my hand.
Six-year-old boy: Holding hands is unnatural.
Babysitter: What? Where did you hear that?
Six-year-old boy: George Bush!
Man walking ahead: Wow, he really does get blamed for everything now.–1 train, 225th St
Street preacher: Oh, you poor ladies. You are on your way to Hell. Stop holding each other like that! Don’t you know that lesbianism is a sin?
Girl: Dude, that’s my mom!–Jay St
Hobo, after bumping into Asian lady suit: Damn! Bump into me and don’t even say sorry. That’s rude — just plain rude. Now I know why Godzilla attacked you guys. Just damn rude. Rude, rude, rude. Hey, watch out back there. Godzilla starts munching down on this subway and he’s for sure gon’ start right back there.–A train
Creepster #1: Jesus, all the people who come to the zoo smell like shit.
Creepster #2: Or maybe that’s just the zoo…–Central Park Zoo
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Loudspeaker: Sir, do not take a dump on the platform, sir. Sir, do not take a dump on the platform!–Times Square 42nd St. station
Guy: Did you try rebooting?
Chick: Of course.
Guy: Because that’s the first thing you should try doing when you–
Chick: –Look, half the guys I’ve dated have been in tech support. I’ve picked up a hell of a lot more than just VD. I know about rebooting–NYU
Geek: I feel like a douche.
Chick: Seriously, if you ever feel like a dork go to any Blockbuster, look at the employees, and you’ll see how cool you are.–31st & 21st
Mother: You were a jerk for years.
Son: No, I was a cokehead. There’s a huge difference.–F train
Oh, Overheardinnewyork.com, You Always keep me listening !
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Woman on stoop: Ugh, I hate kids.
Mom of playing children: You have four of them!
Woman on stoop: Oh, I got rid of those. –Broadway, Astoria
Man: Dude, your marketing department — they’re like a bunch of baby birds!
Woman: I know! And I’m sick of throwing up in their mouths.–57th & 5th
Buddhist: Excuse me, sir, are you a New Yorker?
Obvious New Yorker: Go fuck yourself!–Union Square
Bus driver on intercom as it starts to rain: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray… C’mon, everybody!
Entire bus, singing: You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you — please don’t take my sunshine away.
Chick: I think that was the least-New York moment of my entire life.–M79 bus
Mom to screaming child: Shut the fuck up!
Man: Yeah, keep telling your kid ‘Shut the fuck up’ so he can grow up and steal my car someday.–6 train
Mom: Are you okay in there, sweetie?
Little girl in stall: I can’t button my pants.
Mom: It’s alright. Just come on out.
Little girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.–Bathroom, AMC Theatres, Times Square
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Hipster: So, this girl came up to us and asked us if we were art fags. Anyway, long story short, I had sex with her in Richard Gere’s rooftop Zen garden. –Union Square
Creepy Casanova: Want to hear the worst pick up line ever? ‘Does this rag smell like chloroform to you? –Bronx High School of Science
Clerk: What’s that symbol on your shirt?
Chick: It says ‘Nepal.’
Clerk: What’s Nepal?
Chick: It’s where the Dalai Lama lives.
Clerk: What’s the Dalai Lama? Is that an animal?
Chick: Yeah, it’s like a Yeti.
Clerk: Oh. –Pelham Pkwy
Female Google suit: How’s your son doing?
Male Google suit: Great! He’s 11 months now, and he’s starting to get a personality — it’s great!
Female Google suit: I’d love to see some pictures sometime!
Male Google suit: He’s got a blog!–Elevator, Port Authority building, 15th & 9th
Thank you OVERHEARD IN New York (.com).
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Yuppie mom: Look, honey, that girl holds her daddy’s hand when they cross the street.
Little girl: What a slut!
Yuppie mom: What?! Where did you learn that phrase?!
Little girl: Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!–8th & 2nd
Hippie chick: High School Musical is totally promoting communism.
Loud Latina: Oh my god! We see the deepness in everything!–Hayden Residence Hall, NYU
Guy on cell: Um, I think I just saw Tony Danza ride past me on roller blades.
Tony Danza: Yeah, ya did! –Central Park
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Woman #1: So, what you think about Duane?
Woman #2: Girl, he all up in my Kool-Aid and he don’t even know the flavah!–Deli, Brooklyn
Dude: So, what did you do?
Hung-over girl: I was really embarrassed at first and I tried to hide it. Then I was like, ‘Fuck it, yeah, I peed in your bed.’–Restaurant, Chelsea
Stoner chick: What if we actually want to bake something? We’ll have smoked all our vanilla extract!–Elderidge & Rivington
Hobo putting hand on Justin Timberlake look-alike’s shoulder: Oh, shit! It’s Justin Timberlake, everybody!
Look-alike: Uh, what?
Tourist teenybopper: Can I have your autograph, please?
Look-alike: I’m not Justin Timberlake.
Tourist teenybopper: But you are.
Hobo, to look-alike: Dude, you work with me here, okay? We’ll do business. [To train] Ten bucks for Justin Timberlake’s autograph, everyone! For 20 bucks he’ll dance for you.
Tourist teenybopper: I have five dollars…
Hobo: We’re in business!
Look-alike: I’m going to kill you.
Hobo, to look-alike: Damn, this is the best plan I’ve ever come up with! Except for the time I tried to sell Lindsay Lohan’s piss for 20 bucks. Well, it was actually my own piss. I think God put me on this Earth to fuck with people. –4 train
Thank you overheardinnewyork.com! Thank You!
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That’s right, since I send my personal favorites almost every day to the two girls who might be reading this blog at this point. Hey Sharon! Hey Emily! Figured, hey, let’s boost my visitors and have you read my blog instead of my emails. Although, it is probably harder to read the website versus an email at your job since reading emails looks like work. Oh well Suckas! Thank you overheardinnewyork.com for great laughs at the crazy hobos, dirty stupid blondes, more stupid girls, etc.
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