Boyfriend: So you went home, drank two Smirnoff Ices, watched Harry Potter one and a half times, and masturbated twice?
Girlfriend: Yep. –City Hall Park
Lady #1: The doctor has me on all kinds of medication for my STD.
Lady #2: Oh?
Daughter of lady #1: Mom, for the last time, it’s ‘SVT,’ not ‘STD.’ You have a heart condition, not a sexually transmitted disease.
Lady #1: Shit, I really have to stop getting those two things mixed up!–E train
Woman #1: Mark said that it smelled like you crapped your pants out there.
Woman #2: It did smell really bad at the bar.
Woman #1: But Mark said it smelled like you crapped your pants.
Woman #2: That I crapped my pants? Why would he say that about me? Oh my god, I hope he doesn’t think that about me.
Woman #1: No, I don’t think he does.
Woman #2: Then why would he say that? God, going out is so hard.
Woman #1: Let’s go home by two tonight.–Bar, 89th & 3rd
Orthodox man #1, seeing man walk by dressed as Jesus: Jesus! [He and his posse begin to chase Jesus.]
Orthodox man #2: You are not the son of God!–Washington Square Park
Chick #1 on cell: I mean, have you ever shaved your pussy and then a couple of nights later you can’t sleep because it itches so bad?
Chick #2: Um, hello, we can all hear you.
Chick #1 to #2: Well, has it ever happened to you?
Chick #2: Well, yeah, but I don’t tell the whole subway.–F train
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