The Fatty Talks by Adam Hirsch

Woman on stoop: Ugh, I hate kids.
Mom of playing children: You have four of them!
Woman on stoop: Oh, I got rid of those. –Broadway, Astoria

Man: Dude, your marketing department — they’re like a bunch of baby birds!
Woman: I know! And I’m sick of throwing up in their mouths.–57th & 5th

Buddhist: Excuse me, sir, are you a New Yorker?
Obvious New Yorker: Go fuck yourself!–Union Square

Bus driver on intercom as it starts to rain: You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray… C’mon, everybody!
Entire bus, singing: You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you — please don’t take my sunshine away.
Chick: I think that was the least-New York moment of my entire life.–M79 bus

Mom to screaming child: Shut the fuck up!
Man: Yeah, keep telling your kid ‘Shut the fuck up’ so he can grow up and steal my car someday.–6 train

Mom: Are you okay in there, sweetie?
Little girl in stall: I can’t button my pants.
Mom: It’s alright. Just come on out.
Little girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.–Bathroom, AMC Theatres, Times Square